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13414 quotes

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
Army and Navy
Ambrose Bierce

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Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
Immigration
Ambrose Bierce

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An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
Misfortunes
Ambrose Bierce

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An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Acquaintance
Ambrose Bierce

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An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
Egotism
Ambrose Bierce

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An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
Optimism
Ambrose Bierce

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Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
Trials
Ambrose Bierce

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Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
Slander
Ambrose Bierce

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Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
Medicine
Ambrose Bierce

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Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
Bigotry
Ambrose Bierce

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Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Weddings
Ambrose Bierce

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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Calamity
Ambrose Bierce

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Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
Nuns
Ambrose Bierce

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Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
Business
Ambrose Bierce

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Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Deliberation
Ambrose Bierce

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Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
Destiny
Ambrose Bierce

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Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
Business
Ambrose Bierce

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Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
Duty
Ambrose Bierce

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Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
Egotism
Ambrose Bierce

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Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
Scholars and Scholarship
Ambrose Bierce

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Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
Experience
Ambrose Bierce

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Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
Happiness
Ambrose Bierce

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Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
Childhood
Ambrose Bierce

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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
Marriage
Ambrose Bierce

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Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
Atheism
Ambrose Bierce

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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
[ Research ] Wernher Von Braun