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I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Evolution
Mark Twain

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I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.
Sarcasm
Mark Twain

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I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it.
Ignorance
Mark Twain

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Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.
Laughter
Mark Twain

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My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine -- everybody drinks water.
Books - Reading
Mark Twain

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One may make their house a palace of sham, or they can make it a home, a refuge.
Home
Mark Twain

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Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.
Moderation
Mark Twain

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The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
Words
Mark Twain

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Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered -- either by themselves or by others.
Genius
Mark Twain

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Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.
Work
Mark Twain

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We have, I fear, confused power with greatness.
Power
Stewart Udall

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A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams.
Dreams
Source Unknown

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A mousetrap always provides free cheese.
Caution
Source Unknown

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Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it.
Ask
Source Unknown

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Before you build a better mousetrap, it helps to know if there are any mice out there.
Planning
Source Unknown

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Character is like the foundation of a house -- it is below the surface.
Character
Source Unknown

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Continue to be yourself because in the end that's what people will remember about you
Self-expression
Source Unknown

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Doing nothing is the most tiresome job in the world because you cannot quit and rest.
Inaction
Source Unknown

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Don't feel superior just because you go to church, it doesn't make you a Christian.
Christians and Christianity
Source Unknown

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Don't make excuses, make good.
Excuses
Source Unknown

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Even the woodpecker owes its success to the fact that he used his head.
Work
Source Unknown

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He who clings to life shall lose it -- but losing it in a right cause will gain it.
Purpose
Source Unknown

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I've decided to discontinue my long talks. It's because of my throat. Someone threatened to cut it.
Speech
Source Unknown

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It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Fools and Foolishness
Source Unknown

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Just because you can laugh doesn't mean you can't tell the truth. Truth is often the jester.
Truth
Source Unknown

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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
[ Research ] Wernher Von Braun